Spotted this informercial…

20170301_150638.jpgI was out sick from work with a fever this week and I saw this on afternoon TV. Yep.



A Gift to You All

I had to share this most excellent website:

Enjoy a solid minute of pleasure from this page, and haha! did you notice it’s a “.org”?

“Sound drums and trumpets! Farewell sour annoy! For here, I hope, begins our lasting joy.”
― William Shakespeare, King Henry VI, Part 3

A 2nd Grade Perspective on Donald Trump


This is a great series of informational kids books, by the way

A few days ago, a student in my 2nd grade classroom was perusing a Fly Guy book. The book was full of nifty trivia about the White House, but all a 2nd grade boy cares about are the Lincoln bedroom ghost sightings and the fact that the White House has a swimming pool AND a bowling alley. It’s almost worth the insane job description, amirite?

Anyhoo, there was a two-page spread with portraits of all the Presidents as of 2016. After counting the ridiculous number of “President James Something-or-Others” that we’ve had (6), this boy asked why Obama was the last portrait shown if Donald Trump was now President. I gave the boy a quick lesson on how this book was published in the heat of “Campaign Shitstorm 2016” and that books do not immediately update their info like the internet. (I promise I’m nowhere near this snarky in real life.) The portrait frame for the 45th President still hung empty, with a massive question mark in it. The boy then took a pause, looked me in the eye, and delivered this line with a straight face: “I wonder what Donald Trump looks like?”

And that is what I leave you with on inauguration day. Put yourself in the mindset of this same 7-year old boy who, a couple months ago, was telling a girl on the playground that Hillary Clinton wanted to introduce a law that would allow parents to kill their children at 8 months if they didn’t want the crawling kiddos anymore. The same boy couldn’t pick out one of the most ludicrously recognizable people in the world in a crowd. Do you envy his childlike innocence which, true to childhood, is a rather cruel and misguided form of innocence? Speaking as a man who is sick at the prospect of Trump news coverage for FOUR MORE YEARS, I certainly wish I could hear the words “President Donald J. Trump” and see this in my blissful mind’s eye: silhouette with a question mark vector illusration








P.S.- Do you remember when this photo came out and rightwing religious zealots said that o-obama-fly-photo-570Obama was possessed by demons because flies kept landing on his face? (If not, here’s a ridiculous source: I couldn’t resist bringing this up, what with the “Fly Guy” plug above.

Also, take a moment to breathe freely and reflect that our new President will never need stupid conspiracies made up about him–he’ll provide enough controversy on his own steam. Even if flies swarm to Trump–and what isn’t there for a fly to love about President Bullshit?–I’m sure we’ll all just assume they’re flocking to whatever is decomposing on the Prez’s scalp.


I’m Going Back to Minnesota Where Sadness Makes Sense | Danez Smith

O California, don’t you know the sun is only a god
if you learn to starve for him? I’m bored with the ocean

I stood at the lip of it, dressed in down, praying for snow
I know, I’m strange, too much light makes me nervous

at least in this land where the trees always bear green.
I know something that doesn’t die can’t be beautiful.

Have you ever stood on a frozen lake, California?
The sun above you, the snow & stalled sea—a field of mirror

all demanding to be the sun too, everything around you
is light & it’s gorgeous & if you stay too long it will kill you

& it’s so sad, you know? You’re the only warm thing for miles
& the only thing that can’t shine.

Happy Thanksgiving!


My 2nd grade class had to “disguise” a turkey so that it would escape the gulag and evade the gut buckets of American families. Okay, so I didn’t explain it to 7 and 8 year-olds in those exact words. Anyhoo, this is my Where’s Waldo? inspired bird.

I hope everyone has a warm home that simply reeks of comfort food today. Happy Thanksgiving!